The Numbers Game

• 4 children I would love to have in a perfect world
• 30 years I have wanted to be a Mother
• 102 pregnancy tests I have taken in my life
• 1 test that gave me a postive result
• 2 times my entire world has shattered in the last 3 years
• 28 average length of days for my cycle
• 15 average day of ovulation
• 21 charts I have created to track my BBT
• 501 times I have wanted to punch an ignorant fertile person in the face
• 10 times I have literally felt gutted when I heard the happy news that someone close to me is expecting
• 10 times I have been completely overjoyed by the happy news that someone close to me is expecting
• 1 baby that I would be utterly blessed to be a Mother to in whatever way that takes shape
• 5 Doctors I have seen on this journey
• 6 weeks that I have been over the moon during this journey
• 3 moments that I have completely and utterly given up hope
• 15 times I have wanted to run away to Mexico and never come back
• 3 years that we have kept persevering
• 30, 000 dollars it will take us to become parents if we cannot do this naturally
• 11 books I have read on pregnancy/parenting/adoption
• 1 million times I have told my husband “I love you so much” in the last 3 years
• 5852 tears I have shed
• 1 surgeries I have had to try and give us a chance
• 16 people I have told about my miscarriage
• 2 completely hurtful comments I received because of that
• 0 times I have decided that I do not want to become a Mother